Since Then...

I had completely forgotten about this blog until I went down a rabbit hole of looking for a new career, researching what it takes to be a freelance copywriter, learning to increase my online presence, and then searching for my old blog since that is practically the only online presence I have.  I spent the weekend strolling down memory lane rereading these old posts, sharing them with Lauren.  Why didn't I keep this up?  I had forgotten practically everything on here so the reality is that I have likely mentally misplaced countless other things about my kids' early childhoods.  Well now, there's another rabbit hole probably best not traveled down. Oh and besides the fact that raising kids while working - which is what I was doing during that time - is probably the hardest job on earth.  So I may try to keep up with this more often now if only to help with my own faulty memory.

Since my last post, here's a little list of the highlights that I've missed chronicling:

Marissa ended up in speech therapy for about 2 1/2 years with a diagnosis of apraxia, which nobody could really say for sure whether she actually had.  The hearing loss from all of her early ear infections was most likely the culprit.  She is a super talkative eight-year-old now and most people don't even know that fact.

I was diagnosed with DCIS breast cancer on St. Patrick's Day in 2011.  After five surgeries including reconstruction, I am cured and grateful.  My little family became a wolf pack and we still run that way - we do things together as a family as much as possible outside of work and school.

We finally got a puppy in the summer of 2013, when I switched to part-time.  Morgan is a white Lab and has completed our family.  She can only be described as sweet but lazy and someone is loving on her every waking minute.

After about seven years of asking if he was interested in moving to Dallas (which we weren't), Rob was finally transferred with work in the summer of 2015 and we made the move from Alpharetta, GA to Frisco, TX.  It was terribly difficult to leave my sister and her family plus all of our friends but now that we're here, we just love it!  We go back to Alpharetta once a year and all are welcome here for visits.

I retired after 19 years and 11 months from Merrill Lynch, just before the move.  Rob works downtown now, some 32 miles away, so we decided that me working is probably not a good idea in light of the flexibility that I need for the kids.  I am the PTA Treasurer, which has been like a part-time job, but I still would like to do something more.  I just haven't figured out what that might be yet but I'm always open to ideas and suggestions.  

The girls had been in gymnastics for about four or five years, plus they took dance classes sporadically during that time.  When we moved to Frisco, they were both in cheer and started volleyball too. In the past nine months, though, they have hung up their pompoms in favor of pursuing indoor sports, for which I thank the Lord often and profusely.  It's darn hot here! Lauren made a club prep volleyball team last fall and Marissa is doing rec league volleyball and basketball.  They both work so hard which makes chauffeuring them daily to practices and spending most weekends in tournaments and gyms worth it.

We still vacation every summer in WaterColor in Florida.  It is collectively our happy place.

This is the last week of school and Lauren is finishing up her fourth grade year and Marissa her second.    Lauren loves to read and Marissa does not  - they both love school and are excellent students nonetheless.

And now we're all caught up!  

cbs

The Multiple Personalities of My Three-Year-Old

Lauren has always had a big personality. We are just realizing that there are many big personalities in that little body. Here is a glimpse of just a few.

The Free Spirit
Picture a green grassy hill, under a perfectly crisp blue-sky day. There are daisies scattered around the hillside and there is a girl on top of that hill in a pink dress, arms outstretched and twirling in a circle, singing a random song. Not a care in the world, the girl stops now and then to smell a daisy. When Lauren goes into the Free Spirit mode, it's hard to get her to focus on the task at hand, whatever that may be. I've witnessed it at swim lessons, where she is supposed to be paddling or kicking, but instead is allowing herself to be pulled through the water like a queen on a litter. I am afraid this phase is not going to pass anytime soon, I can remember my mother calling me "Alice in Wonderland" even through high school.


The Fashionista
Lauren is an expert on all things related to fashion. The mainstay of Lauren's wardrobe is a pair of black patent leather shoes, referred to as The Shiny Shoes. These were supposed to be reserved for birthday parties and church but have now become non-stop weekend wear. The shoes dictate that one should be dressed up when wearing them, and so of course, dresses and skirts must accompany the shoes. Top it off with matching leggings, bags, hair bows and barrettes, and you've just put together the most over-dressed tricycle-riding preschooler in town.

There is also a certain way that Lauren wears her socks - they have to be slouched down. I'm not allowed to help her get dressed very often because she "can do it herself", but when I do get to help, I never put them on properly. It is quite a painstaking process, the exact way her socks have to be slouched, and usually results in delaying departure for school by several minutes; it's all worth it though, for a peaceful morning and one big self-satisfied smile when they are just right.

The Artist

Lauren could (and does) spend hours with some colorful paper, scissors, crayons, stickers and glue. Every masterpiece is earmarked for someone, and she keeps excellent track of who gets what. We recently had to make an emergency art supply run on a Wednesday because we were short on construction paper and stickers and she "just couldn't work like this". All of her hard work is paying off: she is staying in the lines very well when coloring and her pictures are becoming more childish and less scribble, usually including suns, happy faces with feet for people and today she even drew a flower without any help. She is definitely happiest doing her artwork!

Yes, Lauren has personality to spare but I love it all - it certainly keeps life interesting!

Baby Love

Marissa, my baby love.

Marissa started crawling right before Christmas and then really took off right after that. While she does try the traditional hands-and-knees crawl now and again, she prefers the commando style, and is quite proficient at it. The director of the school jokes that if she were in a crawling contest, she would win hands down. Marissa makes mad dashes for the classroom door when someone comes or goes, trying to escape. At home, she really just heads straight for Laurens toys, usually the dollhouse or the baby doll crib and stroller. Lauren actually picked her baby's stroller up last night and moved it to the front room where "it would be safe".


She stands too. Marissa is not particular about what she chooses as help in getting upright - it may be a chair, or your arms, or your pajama bottoms. As long as it helps her to stand, anything is fair game.


Yesterday, Marissa found her voice and in a big way: she said "dada" about a thousand times, loudly, and we were beyond excited. My poor little baby has been sick since she turned six months old at the end of October: she's had one ear infection after another, with a couple of other random illnesses thrown in for good measure. She currently has a double ear infection, newly diagnosed this morning, which earns us a visit to the ENT in two weeks and tubes seem inevitable. We are pretty sure she has not been able to hear since this all began and so she has not spoken. There has been no babbling or consonant sounds, which is worrisome, so when she popped out with all of her dada's last night, it was really a big deal to us. She can be as loud as she wants to be at this point, no one in this house is going to complain and quite honestly, she fits right in. We might just be a loud family, which is A-OK by me.

She is trying to get the yogurt melts to her mouth but isn't too concerned that she missed.

Snow Day!

I moved to the South for a reason: blue skies while the temps are in the 30's, random days that hit 70 degrees in February, and most importantly, NO SNOW!!! No de-icing of my car before work, no piles of dirty snow on the side of the road from the plows throughout March and sometimes April, no salt pinging off my car as I drive down the road. I was over the snow and freezing temps almost a decade ago and made the drastic change that brought me where I am today.

Today: SNOW! And for the second time this year, but this time we got more than we've ever gotten as long as I've been living here, almost four inches.

My cell rang at 8:00 am this morning, the girls' school was closing early. As I've experienced over the past nine years, even the chance of snow sends a panic throughout the city. We have been talking about it for two days at work, my boss even said I probably wouldn't be in on Friday, to which I laughed. I got emails from co-workers, randomly taking polls about whether I thought it would snow or not. I thought not.

I picked the girls up after lunch; Lauren was not napping during naptime and Marissa seemed to be waiting for me, already heading towards the door before I even opened it. I had them both asleep within 45 minutes of arriving home, and that's when it began. I had just made a fresh pot of coffee, and since my house was so unusually quiet, I sat on the couch and watched the flakes falling, drinking my coffee. Lauren woke up first and I made her hot cocoa; we played until Marissa woke up and Rob was on his way home by then as well. After getting Lauren all layered up to go out and play with Daddy, I was jealous. Marissa was playing in her play zone, but I was not happy being inside and watching out the windows. Before they could even begin making their snowman, Marissa and I were bundled up too and outside with them. I took some pictures, brought Marissa's jumper out to the garage and taught Lauren how to make and throw a snowball.




It was beautiful and blissful and serene.

Our Magical Christmas

Christmas was, in a word, magical. All beautiful ten days of it that we got to spend together and with family.

On Christmas Eve, Lauren had a cold and an ear infection. We tried to go to the church services in spite of that but found out when we got there that we had the time wrong and they had already begun. I was sure it was sign that the kids should be at home bundled up in pj's and not infecting anyone for the holiday, so we headed home to prepare for Santa.


Santa did indeed come as promised and apparently all of the Sager family members were very good last year. He brought Lauren the Ariel backpack she had been asking for for the past three months, plus the Vidia fairy doll that she added on Christmas Eve in her letter to Santa, previously unmentioned. How did he know?? It was an exciting two hours of opening presents, lots of oh's and ah's and even Marissa got into the fun and opened her presents, if only so she could attempt to eat the paper they were wrapped in.


I got a fancy and much-coveted camera, and as my sister teased, "with a strap". So here is where the pictures start to get good.



After Christmas, we had a day at home to play with new toys and pack: we were heading North. The first stop was to the Sagers, and it was just like Christmas all over again. Lauren's favorite gift here was a princess laptop, and that was all she needed. She grabbed her backpack, put on her Ariel hat and headed "to work to earn monies" for the Ariel bank that Santa had brought her, waiting at home to be filled with "nissels" (aka nickels), which may as well be hundred dollar bills to her.


It was a wonderful couple of days spent relaxing and enjoying their grandparents attention.

Lauren and Riley, deep in conversation.

When we left the Sagers, we drove to my sister's, where my Dad and Sandy were also heading. Once we all arrived, it was Christmas Part 3. Lauren truly was in Heaven at this point: there were even more Ariel gifts, including movies she didn't even know existed and a singing Big Wheel. I was the paparazzi, taking it all in and trying to capture as much on camera as I could.

There were fancy dress-up tea parties.




And just lots of smiles.


This was our Christmas - it was truly the best ever which far exceeded anything I could have wanted or dreamed. We thank you, to all of our family, for all that you did: for the amazing food and drink which we spent a glorious seven days imbibing on; for the mountains of gifts you bestowed upon us all. As always, you did too much, far too much. But most importantly, thank you for the memories, the laughs and the love - we will always cherish the week we spent with you all and look forward to many, many more.

From Halloween to Thanksgiving

After doing the 3 Day walk, the school costume parade was two short days later. When I got to school that morning, Marissa was sleeping very soundly in her crib so I figured she would not be donning the Minnie Mouse costume for the event. Rob and I would still get to see Lauren aka Ariel, though!

And then Marissa woke up and they brought her in...


On Halloween, Marissa was not feeling well so she went to bed early and didn't get to dress up but Lauren more than made up for her lack of participation. I took Lauren trick-or-treating and she literally had the time of her life. She took inventory of her candy situation after each house and for awhile could name which house gave her which treat, it was so funny. We did two streets in the cold and sometimes rain, and I know her feet hurt from the Ariel shoes she wanted so badly to wear, and then she was happy to come home and look at all of her treats and pass out candy to the last stragglers coming by. It really was a super fun night for all of us, except maybe Marissa.


At the beginning of November, Lauren started dance classes. The instructor comes to school and they do ballet and tap once a week; this was her first day, she was so excited.


Marissa also started to sit up on her own and is content just to hang out on the floor with a toy; this is one of her favorites.


And of course, as Halloween passes, we come to Lauren's birthday. This might have topped Halloween as her best day ever. Grandma and Granddad Sager came in for the occasion and when she woke up, she opened her presents from the family. After naptime, we had her birthday party at Gymboree and all of her best friends came - she was in heaven! I don't think the smile left her face the entire two hours, she was so happy and had so much fun!!


The next morning, since family was going to be in for Lauren's birthday, Marissa was baptized at our church. The service was really nice, and Ollie, the pastor, brought all of the children from the congregation up and they were on the steps below us. Lauren decided to lay down on the altar for some crazy reason but Marissa was a complete angel and smiled and hammed it up for everyone.


And then we celebrated Thanksgiving with the Stancills and their Nana. Rob cooked an amazing turkey and we feasted while keeping in mind all that we have to be thankful for, we truly are blessed.


This weekend we decorated the house for Christmas, and much like Halloween and her birthday, Lauren gets the concepts of holidays now so that makes everything so much more magical. She wore this hat all weekend long, it is an Ariel one and she got it for her birthday - she even matched the pajamas to it several times.


Today Marissa turns seven months old, she is past the halfway mark for her first year. She is a good eater, and not surprising, she prefers fruits to veggies. As I said, she loves sitting up and this weekend we set up the play zone, the one Lauren used to play in. Marissa is trying so hard to crawl but just can't get her hind region to cooperate, although she's very good at maneuvering around to get where she needs to be. I must confess that I want this one to stay immobile and my baby for as long as possible so I'm not complaining. No teeth yet either, but everything goes in the mouth - a challenge with a three-year-old who has toys and costume jewelery everywhere. Marissa is just a very sweet and happy baby and is Lauren's biggest fan, the two of them laugh hard at each other on the way home from school, it's my favorite sound in the world!

Too Inspired To Be Tired

Participating in the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk was one of the most life-changing events I have ever experienced. Besides my wedding and the births of my two daughters, this single weekend event has created a feeling that is indescribable, almost euphoric.

I signed up to do this walk last year when my good friend Sara decided to create a team and since I've always wanted to be a part of this event, I decided, why not? Our team of ten was born and we began fund-raising and training. Keep in mind, I was pregnant with Marissa for the first several months of this process. The fund-raising was stressful: I had never done anything like this before and I loathe asking people for money, I almost get embarrassed having to do it. Sara kept reminding me that the money I'm asking for isn't for me, but for the cause. After family and friends generously donated and three fund-raising events later, I had reached my fund-raising goal and could now focus on training.

Training. I won't lie and say I didn't also have another motivation behind signing up for this walk: being forced to walk often and far should help with the leftover baby weight, right? Wow, did I underestimate/forget/fall into complete denial that with a newborn and a very-busy-two-year-old comes a complete lack of energy and time. What was I thinking? Getting away for chunks of time to walk miles is nearly impossible even with the most helpful husband and father in the world. In the end, the most walking I had done in one training session was six miles and that was even a couple of weeks ago. How on earth was I going to finish TWENTY miles, and then get up and do it again the next day and the next??

Last Thursday, as my friends and co-workers were wishing me luck and telling me to have a wonderful weekend, I was very cynical, saying I couldn't wait until Monday when this whole thing would be behind me. I was a nervous wreck to be honest, full of anxiety, and worried too much about leaving Rob with the girls and all that entails for three days. I stopped being able to sleep last Wednesday and completely lost my appetite because of the stress of it all. I was very nervous about camping outside, I am strictly an indoor girl. I was ready to back out should anything come up, and there was no question that if one of the girls got sick, I would not have gone.

Nothing happened, so my over-the-35-pound-weight-limit suitcase and I got picked up on Thursday night for the lake house that we would stay in since the walk started pretty far north of the city. I left my house amidst pure chaos, very worried about Rob. I called him an hour later to check on him and while the girls were put to bed and he was fed, I still had a feeling of dread. I spent another sleepless night creating all sorts of ridiculous scenarios in my head for the coming three days: I would collapse after seven miles and seasoned walkers would step over my body while shaking their heads at my obvious lack of training; I would get picked up by the sweeper vans while my friends waved good-bye because they were feeling good and could keep going; or worse yet, I would probably fall or trip or twist my ankle and have to be on crutches for the next six weeks.


Day 1, fun! Sara, seasoned 3 Day vet that she is, knew that we needed to be at the opening ceremonies early, near the front of the stage in order to be close to the front starting out. It was powerful and emotional, and we were set free to begin the walk at the end of the program to U2's "Beautiful Day".

The sea of pink in front of me continued for the next three days, and the previous thoughts in my head were somehow erased - there was no anxiety, no stress and certainly no negativity. The crew, the walkers, my teammates - all were excited and eager, chit-chatting happily along. They had several pit stops mapped out throughout the day, every couple of miles, and I almost fell over when I got to the first one and saw the smorgasbord waiting for me - bagels with cream cheese, oranges, bananas, several kinds of crackers, two different kinds of peanuts, pb&j Jamwiches, string cheese, granola bars galore. I made the typical rookie mistake of taking almost one of everything as if it were my last meal. Did I really need a bagel, cream cheese, a banana, Jamwich, and peanuts? That's as much as I normally eat in a day! I packed the extra away in my handy hip pack for later and away we went; we were in a little farm country at this point and it was interesting scenery. Not long after, and hello, another pit stop. At every pit stop, there were crew members cheering and welcoming us in, loud and fun music playing, just plain old-fashioned goodwill. No matter how bad your feet or legs or gluteus maximus ached just a minute before, it was hard not to smile and shake your booty a little heading into the pit stops. The 3 Day organization knows what it really means to renew and refresh, sending us back on the trail with a little more spring in the step.

And then there are the cheering stations - sections that are established for family and friends or random strangers to come out and cheer us on. They held signs, and passed out candy, and thanked us a million times over for doing what we were doing. And those people were not just at cheering stations, they were randomly on the route. We named one guy "Bama boy", who seemed to be turning up every couple of hours, driving ahead, parking and cheering. It turns out that his wife was walking with us, and when I met her on Sunday I told her he was our biggest cheerleader out there, and how we watched for him all weekend long and when he disappeared on Saturday afternoon, we guessed correctly that he was inside watching Alabama football. There were many women who brought their daughters out, all dressed in pink, to see us. I teared up when one woman handed me a sticker she had printed that read, "You inspired a child today" and her beautiful little girls were cheering and holding buckets of Blow Pops for us. The girl scout troops were out for us in full force, trays of Girl Scout cookies lined up. Those cheering stations were the best medicine for aching muscles and sore feet, I will miss having those in every day life!

On Friday morning, before we left our hotel, Stephanie, Sara and I powwowed non-stop about the rain-time game plan since it was in the forecast for the day. Sara thought that if it came after lunch and we had done a fair amount of walking, that we would get on the bus and head back to camp. At lunch, we knew it was coming and fast, so we pulled the ponchos out and got back on the trail to see how bad it would get. We pretty much got dumped on. While there was ample opportunity to get on one of those sweeper vans, somehow without saying a word, Sara and I knew we were going to try to tough it out. We also knew Stephanie was miserable in the rain and now cold, but some cheerleader in me that I never knew existed came out and I encouraged her (and really me) on and on with the promise of sunshine up ahead - I could see a little sliver of blue sky way up and to the right, regardless of the nasty black cloud above us. When we cruised into that next pit stop, we were mixed on whether to get on the bus right then, and even more so when Stephanie and I changed our wet socks and we discovered two nasty blisters each. I had to hit the medical tent for a lesson on blister first-aid. At that point, we were only two miles from the end of the day and hearing that one of us was number 495 out of 2780 walkers coming in inspired us to go on and finish the day. The crew was waiting for us at camp, once again, cheering us in and that's probably when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was exactly where I belonged and needed to be. I was so proud I thought I would burst.


Day 2, woohoo! On the bus ride to the day's starting point, I disclosed the things that I would do differently for next year, like coordinate team colors all three days and not just the first day. Sara suggested that we should wear green the first day so we could find each other in said sea of pink and it was genius. We could spot each other across camp or across pit stops quickly. We didn't carry the theme over the next two days and definitely should in the future. Without even thinking about it, though, I had come to the decision that I would do this walk again next year. In 24 hours, I had done a 180 degree turn.

Rob and the girls were waiting for me at that first cheering station on Saturday and I power walked those first 2.5 miles to get to them as fast as I could. Hugging my family was the best feeling ever! As the day wore on and it looked like we were once again towards the front of the pack and hence would be finished early, I coordinated with Rob to meet me at the end and I got to spend a couple of hours with them before heading back to camp for dinner with the team. Hallelujah, my own shower and a flushing toilet plus my girls and Rob for over an hour, pure bliss. May I never again take for granted indoor plumbing after using porta-potties for three days straight!

Each night at camp, there was entertainment and recognitions, but on Saturday night, there was Dance Party. Yes, after walking all day and being dog-tired, they plan a dance party, and I am talking about the real-deal, shake your groove thing, dancing. I learned the Cupid Shuffle (kind of - as well as I'm ever going to, anyhow) and then Sara pulled me up on stage to dance because "when are we ever going to dance on stage again?". Definitely one of the most memorable dances of my life.


Day 3, yippee!!! Sunday was the coldest morning yet, but with the forecast of lots of sunshine. It was a perfect Georgia day, the kind that is perfectly clear and crisp. Closing ceremonies began at 5:30 so everyone was walking with purpose today. The end of the line was Turner Field and we were in "holding" while we cheered other walkers to the finish. Once again, the closing program was highly emotional and there was lots of hugging and crying in the end. Rob had come for it and I was very excited to get home and see the girls when it was over.


These past several days have taught me more about myself and people in general than the past ten years have. I have never been a cheerleader before, nor have I ever been told that I've inspired anyone. I experienced both this weekend. There was such a feeling of positivity and love and kindness, I want everyone I know to experience the same thing. Jenna, the emcee for the 3 Day weekend, said on Saturday that life isn't about things, it's about people. I made a new friend in Kristin while walking and got to know Judy much better. I met a man who lost his wife last June after she battled breast cancer for nine years. She left behind a sixteen and a thirteen year-old daughter and he had to just take the older one dress shopping for her first big dance - a mother's job. A hospice nurse's T-shirt read, "I'm walking to lose my job". Everyone walking has a story, a reason for walking. Our team had a survivor walking with us, and two survivors working on the crew, most of us have daughters. There was $5.7 million dollars raised by the walkers this weekend. The 3 Day organization will not stop until they find a cure for this disease, and I intend to keep fighting with them. Who is walking with me next year??